Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
