Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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