How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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