Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
