wanna go halves on a baby?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
