please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
