Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
