my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
