Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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