he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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