Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
