I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
