After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
