I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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