Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
