I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So squirting runs in the family.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
