btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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