The maid of honor just puked.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
