I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
