break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
