They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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