We won't sleep together?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
