I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
