I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
