You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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