sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
