Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
