Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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