Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
zippers are such a cool invention
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
