once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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