So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
