First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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