I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
