I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
