24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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