Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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