We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
