I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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