hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
