He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were trust falling into bushes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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