TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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