i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
