this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
