is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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