If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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