Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
