He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
