they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
