Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
