I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
