he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
